I Just Want to Eat Like A Pregnant Woman

You know, I've been trying to eat bland things, non-spicy things, tasteless things, and it's just making me mad. I come from a Caribbean family. I'm Haitian, and our food traditionally is flavorful, and friggin delicious. This acid reflux and constant nausea is just making it hard to eat anything that I'm used to eating. I feel like I'm just eating nothing that I'm used to. I"M TIRED OF EATING BLAND BABY FOOD NONSENSE!!! I want a real meal. I thought they said that when you get to the 2nd trimester, your appetite comes back and you want to eat everything. This is bullshit. I want to be that typical pregnant woman that can gorge on food and not feel guilty because I'm "eating for two." When will my time come?

I want to be the one that pigs out on ice cream and pickles and hot dogs at like 3 in the morning because it's a craving. I want to be the one to eat a whole rack of ribs because one half is for me, and the other half is for the baby. I want to be that mommy to be that eats everything in sight.

I might have to go out and buy some Jamaican food for dinner tonight. That's the closest I'll get to Haitian food out here in Virginia. Apparently, there are NO Haitian restaurants down here. I'm used to having at least 2 or 3 in every city when I used to live in Connecticut. But Jamaican food is VERY similar to Haitian. I just want to see if I could keep it down. I'm just craving something that's similar to food I used to eat back home.

 

I just want FOOD!!! I'm so over this whole not being able to eat. I hate being hungry all the damn time. 

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!!

This is the first year since I joined the Navy (I'm out now) that I've actually been home to celebrate Saint Patrick's Day. But oh looksie, I can't because what? I'm PREGNANT. Ugh, this is ridiculous. How is it fair that I'm not drinking but I feel just the same as if I downed bottle of whiskey, dizzy and nauseous. We were supposed to go over one of his buddy's house today to celebrate and go see the parade, and then I woke up this morning feeling like I wanted to die. This baby is kicking my ass. All I wanted to do today was just go out, and hang out with some people, socialize a little... get some fresh air, and enjoy the day.

Maybe later this afternoon we'll just go for a nice walk or something because I do not want to waste this day sitting around in the house just watching TV and dicking around on the computer. Phil is taking a little nap. I don't understand why he's tired. We literally JUST woke up a couple of hours ago. I swear he can sleep the entire day if I let him. But I'm trying to push him to start going back to the gym because I think he's been "sympathy eating" for me, lol. I don't want him to get out of the Navy fitness standards, because that will adversely affect his career in the military.

I'm glad to say that I actually ate about 3 slices of plain cheese pizza, and didn't throw it up like I usually do. Lately I haven't really thrown up a lot of my food. I still do every so often, but not as bad as it was a few weeks ago, when I literally threw up every time I took the smallest bite of any type of food. Maybe my body is realizing that I'm so starved and malnourished that maybe it would be a good idea to let me eat, and not be a total asshole.

But I do have my next appointment on Monday. That's when they're going to run all these tests to see if my pregnancy is high risk and all that fun stuff. This will also be the first time that Phil will get to see the baby because he'll be there for the ultrasound. He couldn't be there last time because he couldn't get out of work. I always wonder how he'll react to seeing this lime size fetus fluttering around inside my belly. Will he cry? Will he chuckle and make a joke? Will it finally hit him that we are having a child since he'll actually see it on the screen? I mean, we know we're having a kid. But for me, it didn't feel real until I actually saw the baby at my first ultrasound. So I wonder what will be going through his mind when he sees it.

Home buying while dealing with Morning Sickness

There comes a time in every couple's world where they have to put on their big boy underwear and big girl panties and buy a house. Phil and I were sick and tired of wasting our money renting apartments. And we did some number crunching and basically what we're throwing away in rent, we could be paying the same (if not less) towards a mortgage. We figured, we're having a baby. We might as well get a home in a nice area, with a reasonable mortgage (that's not costing an arm and a leg). So our search began.

We (more like he) started doing some online searches for homes that were available in the area. We wanted to stick to someplace that's not too far of a drive from base, since he's the one that'll be driving every day, to ship the belongs to The World's Finest Navy because he's Accelerating his life while being a part of a Global Force For Good because they're 100% on watch always.

Anyways. We looked at homes ranging from Hampton, Portsmouth, Norfolk, etc... We considered Chesapeake, but the taxes were ridiculous compared to other cities. No thanks, especially if it's our starter home, and not our forever home. We found a great realtor. He used to be stationed on our ship, so we know him, and we trust him not to fuck us over.

The thing about this random sickness during pregnancy is that it can hit you at any moment of the day. I remember when we went to go look at this one house in Portsmouth. We were walking around the kitchen, talking about how high the ceilings were and the moldings and this and that, next thing I know, I'm running outside puking in the grass. Phil looks at Joe (our Realtor) and says, "I'm guessing that means no on this one." Ever since that incident, I always try to make an "emergency pack". In my purse now a days I carry mouthwash, classic lays potato chips (for the saltiness), a bottle of water, Preggy Pop Drops (candy that supposedly helps with morning sickness), and whatever juice I can keep down that week. 

I hate driving around in the car going from house to house, city to city, trying to find that perfect house. It's tiring and it makes me want to throw up. We usually go on the weekends, because that's when he's free since he works Mon-Fri for like 12 hours a day. Some days I don't want to go, but buying a house is a decision that should be made by the both of us. And he really wants me involved in the process. So I guess I have to suck up the sickness and ride along in the car while searching for our perfect home. The other day, I literally asked Joe (our realtor) to pull over so I could literally puke up anything and everything I ate that morning and the night before. I felt soo bad and embarrassed, but he understood. 

I just pray that one day this kid gives me a break and that I start to feel better. There's no way that I can do 6 more months of this craziness. I love the fact that we're having a kid... but damn.

3 Months and Counting... (ready for it to be over)

I know I'm only 3 months (12 weeks) and I'm still not really showing much of anything. Not even a tiny pudge. I've seen pictures of other women that are around the same due date as me, and they seem to have at least a bump. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm barely eating much of anything, and that I'm actually losing weight rather than gaining it.

My boyfriend and I were trying to figure out when I'll start looking pregnant. I said maybe around 4.5 months, and he said 5 months. We'll see who's right.

I was looking at bikinis at the motherhood maternity store in the mall, and why would I want to wear a halter top anything when my boobs are GIGANTIC? Do these people not realize how uncomfortable the extra weight would be on my shoulders? If only my boobs didn't grow like 1.5 cups bigger than normal, I would have worn my bikini from last year cause it's pretty friggin' cute. Well, looks like later tonight I'm going to try on the top and see if it fits or not for real.

So far, the only food that seems to stay down is spaghetti and meat sauce, and the occasional Japanese chicken hibachi with rice. We tried some authentic (well, as authentic as we're going to get here in Virginia) Mexican food, and we'll see how I feel after a little bit. So far so good. No urges to throw anything up, and I haven't taken my Zantac for heartburn... so in my eyes, so far so good. But the night is still young. Phil thought it would be a good idea to try Mexican because he thought that I would be sick and tired of eating nothing but spaghetti and noodles. He was right. But unfortunately, it seems to be the only food that I can manage to sort of keep down.

Not for the FAINT of Heart

One thing I didn't expect would be the random fainting spells or the crazy dizziness that would become my norm. I would randomly be standing around doing something as simple as brushing my hair, and here it comes. The loss of breath, my heart feels like it's beating so fast it's about to come out of my chest, the dizziness, and then the tunnel vision. If I don't hurry up and find a safe place to sit down, I'm afraid that I'll just pass out and hit the floor and probably hurt myself in doing so. This happens to me a few times a week, and it's seemed to get worse with each passing week.

My energy seems to be soo drained that I feel like I can barely do anything without wanting to pass out or just lay down and sleep the entire day. This gets in the way when I want to try to do something productive. It's like, I try, but then the baby is like "Oh no you don't" then he/she proceeds to suck whatever energy out of me that I have left. 

I don't understand where those women that seem to have an endless supply of energy and motivation. It's making me feel like I'm lazy, but it's not like I am doing it on purpose. I mean, I try to get energy, but it's hard when I can't seem to keep anything. At my last appointment, the doctor said that we have to monitor it, because I'm not really gaining any weight, in fact I'm losing weight. I have another appointment on monday and hopefully she has something better to tell me than "let's monitor it". 

I am tired of not getting any real answers. I understand this is my first pregnancy, and there are going to be a lot of unknowns i'm going to face... but jeeze. Can I get a simple explanation of what is going on with me?? Can I get a prescription for my nausea that I don't end up puking up therefore defeating the purpose of having it? Am I allowed to take something stronger than Zantac 150 for my heartburn because that shit aint working. 

I could have sworn the 2nd trimester was supposed to get easier than the first. But it seems as if as time goes on, I've gotten worse. I've gotten weaker, sicker, and just sooo agitated it's ridiculous. 

Why call it morning sickness if it lasts ALL DAY??

This is the bullshit part of pregnancy that you can't really prepare yourself for. Not matter how many saltine crackers you shove in your mouth, how many ginger products you consume, and even the doctor prescribed nausea pills... You might still find yourself kneeling in front of that porcelain bowl puking up anything and everything you tried to eat that day.

They say that morning sickness is supposed to subside after week 12. I feel like mine got worse as the weeks went on. I'm at week 12 right now, and I feel worse than I did when I was in the earlier weeks. Apparently, you're supposed to gain weight during pregnancy... well,  I've not gained anything. In fact, I've lost weight. I don't even have a little pudge to show that I'm pregnant. It has me a little worried because if I can barely keep food down, what kind of nutrition is this baby getting?

I am sick. Like, 24/7 nausea and vomiting. Due to the fact that I'm always throwing up whatever I try to eat, I'm always hungry. So I'm irritable, and moody all the damn time. I swear, I'll give it to week 14, and if I'm still this bad, then the doctor needs to do something about this. I can't keep losing weight, and I can't continue not being able to hold food down. It's a scary thought to think that my baby may not be getting the nutrients he/she needs because of this stupid nausea and puking all the damn time.

Those who said, "Pregnancy is a beautiful time in a woman's life" can eat a dick. I am NOT glowing, I do NOT feel beautiful. I do not feel like some goddess that creates world because I hold the "cradle of life". Screw that philosophic trash. Whoever said that must not have ever had a child. In all honesty, I feel shitty. For the past 12 weeks (which is a LONG time) I've felt like garbage. I have no energy, because I swear I'm malnourished. How could I not be? I can't eat.

And it's not just eating. My sense of smell makes things worse too. It's like the slightest smell that for some reason I was fine with before I was pregnant, I can't stand to be around it now. The smell of raw meat, the smell of leftovers, my dog, certain body washes, cologne, perfume, anything strong and distinct makes me want to vomit. I feel bad for Phil because now I rely on him for anything and everything. He already has enough on his plate, now he has to baby his pregnant girlfriend that has become somewhat of an invalid because I can't seem to do anything without rushing off to the bathroom.

This sickness is NOT making me like this baby any more. I mean, I should be happy that we're having a little blessing, and I am. But I cannot wait until I give birth so that I can go back to NOT feeling like I want to punch my stomach every day and tell the baby to chill out. (Which I would never do... but the thought has crossed my mind more than a few times.)

We'll see how time goes.

 "That damn 'pee stick' changed my world forever."

I guess I should say a little bit about myself before I just dive into this whole blogging things about my pregnancy.

My name is Renee Niquez. I am 26 years old, and I live in Virginia Beach with the love of my life Philip Hecht. We've been dating roughly 1 year and 5 months (but who's counting... lol). We met on-board the USS Gonzalez. Yes, I used to be a Sailor in the world's finest Navy while trying to Accelerate my life being a part in the Global Force for Good. I just had to string together all the Navy Mottos.

I come from a very traditional old school religious family, and yes, I am also the middle child. [I'll leave that for another entry, I don't want to get off track]

It was around January 2012 when I thought I was just having a terrible case of food poisoning. I was nauseous, but I wasn't throwing up anything. More like dry heaving. And let me tell you, it was pretty damn annoying. Then I realized that I wasn't getting any better. So then I thought I had the flu. It made sense. I had a headache, chills, nausea, felt dehydrated, you name it. After feeling like this for almost 2 weeks and medication wasn't working, I decided I was going to make an appointment and go see a doctor or something.

But before I went to the doctor, I asked Phil to bring home a pregnancy test when he was on his way home from work. I just wanted to eliminate any possibilities. I didn't think I could be pregnant because I have ovarian cysts. Oh well... I guess it was just my time to be a mommy I looked at that stick [POSITIVE], and I just shook my head. I showed the results to Phil and we both then realized "holy crap, we're going to be parents."

Ok, I'm not upset that I'm pregnant. In fact I'm happy that we can actually have a child without using any hormone regimes, or expensive treatments. I guess you can say this baby is a blessing (depending on how you look at things).

His parents are ecstatic that we're having a baby. They are ready to be grandparents, this will be their first grandchild. My parents on the other hand, ehhh, not so much. I mean, they're not upset, but they wished that it would be in different circumstances. Like, they would have rather us be married first. Like I said, they're very old school and traditional. But hey, what can anyone do? We're both adults, neither of us are living at home, and we're making things work.

Hopefully this journey will get more smooth as we go along. We both have no idea what to expect because neither of us have ever had children. Well, there's no turning back now. We're already 12 weeks along, going strong :-)